Everyday frustration has taken a toll and the phrase, “it’s just one of those days,” turns into “it’s just one of those everyday!”
Clouding myself with the following thoughts of “maybe I’m doing everything all wrong?,” “is there a better way to go about the issues I’m facing?,” “I really don’t want to yell or show them my stress because I’m afraid it will have a negative impact on them.”
As a parent of four year old twins and an 18 month old, one can only imagine half of how stressful it can get in our house. I LOVE my kids with every single ounce of me and I would give the world for them but, that doesn’t change the parenting frustrations that I feel from time to time. I always remind my kids that “even though daddy & I scold you, it does not change how much we love you! You’ve done wrong and you need to know you’ve done wrong so you can learn from your mistakes.”
Fun outings on the weekend as a family, turns into a dreadful trip, when they start bickering at each other in the store, fighting over who gets to hold what, and screaming & crying because they had it first; is just a small tidbit of what goes on.
Add all of the above to the countless pressures of life: cleaning the house, fixing things around that need fixing, laundry that is piling up, getting dinner ready, etc…the list goes on and on. When they start fighting over toys, my daughter crying cause “he pulled my hair,” screaming from the youngest cause brother took her toy. We snap. And snap quickly turns into regret.
In peaceful moments, we find that handling parenting challenges that we’re faced with is better handled in a state of calm. With all of the buttons our children push, it is easier for us to get angry cause(in our mind) we draw our own conclusions to the situation and when it doesn’t turn out, we feel we’ve failed. I often find myself in this negative thinking. When a problem occurs, I set up conclusions and expectations for myself and for my children and when it doesn’t turn out I feel I’ve failed as their mother.
The hardest part of all this anger and frustration is realizing that there’s one thing that needs change….me. It is a hard pill to swallow, while in denial that I have feelings of anger and frustration pent up inside that continues to churn more and more when situations arise.
I notice that when I’m relaxed and happy, so is everyone else. It seems that because I set the tone in the house, change needs to come from me; telling them why I’m upset and maintaining that state of calm will ensure that everything will now hone the phrase, “Peaceful mommy. Happy kids.”
As their mother, it is my job to love them(even when they deserve love the least), teach them(educational teaching & life teaching), and keeping them safe. I am slowly starting to realize the importance of setting limits before getting angry, calming down before taking any action, taking five(five minutes to calm down and re-enter the situation with a clearer mind), and to listen to my own anger, instead of acting out on it, to name a few-will help me to keep peace within myself and to feel more fulfilled as a parent.
This page contains affiliate links meaning I earn a commission if you use those links. I only recommend brands I use and trust.
The following tips will help calm your mommy frustrations:
1. Stop. Breathe. Remind yourself that there is no real emergency. Taking a few deep breaths will bring you into the present moment without getting into your big emotions.
2. Resist acting when you’re angry. You’ll feel an urgent need to act, but that is an indication that you’re in fight or flight. If your child is acting out, set limits as needed, as patiently as possible. At this point, resist the urge to discipline. Any lesson needed to be taught, can be learned when you’re calm. The most important lesson that you can teach your child is by modeling.
3. Still angry? Try hugging your child. This is my favorite of the three tips because I love hugging my kids when I can and as often as I can. I’m sure that applies to every parent, but setting your feelings of anger aside and just hugging your child sets a better tone and the best part is they learn so much from it-how to manage themselves, and how to empathize.
My only hope is that they see me as a super role model and a mother who tries her hardest every single day, in everything I do with them and for them, to be the best mother I can be.